Mini Spiritual Retreat

The last weekend in March, I went to Huntsville for a mini spiritual retreat. I had been feeling very overwhelmed with life, and decisions that needed to be made, and dealing with my anger, frustrations, etc with God for not having my life go my own way. Even tho I know full well, He is in control and knows so much better than me what is best for me, I struggle with a lack of trust.
So I emailed my aunt and uncle that live in Barrie and asked if I was able to use their cottage(above picture) from the Saturday til Tuesday. They thankfully said yes, and off I went. Well, Squeakers came too, altho, I would have preferred him to not come. I wanted a few days of being away from everything and everyone! And away from the responsibility of anyone but myself! But all in all, it wasn't too bad with him there=o)
Further down this hill, the lake lies. I wasn't able to get any closer since it was still snowy and melting and slippery. And knowing myself, as clumsy as I am, I could just imagine injuring myself and being stuck! So I just took a picture instead;o)
The cool chandelier
The livingroom, with the stairs going up to the 'loft' area. The loft area consists of 2 bedrooms and a 'one day' bathroom. I didn't use that space and I left it blocked off so the dog wouldn't go up there.
The dining room/kitchen area
The sunroom. It was not heated, so I left it closed. The only time I went in there was to go downstairs to have a shower. I didn't get any pictures of downstairs because it was FREEZING! So I basically ran as fast as I could to the basement, took a hot shower, and raced back upstairs as fast as possible! It definitely woke me up quickly;o) I had to keep the place heated with a wood stove. I have never dealt with a wood stove, so it was definitely a new experience for me. My aunt and cousin came to show me everything and to get the stove started, so I just had to maintain it. I did it! I was only able to get the place to 16 degrees, but I didn't mind. I just used throw blanket to keep warm while I was sitting on the couch.
My little boy=O)
Squeakers and I=o) I attempted to go to church Sunday morning. The church was 1/2hr away, and I was out the door and on the road by 10:30am, with church starting at 11. Unfortunately, I got lost. I tried to go back the other way and then finally gave up and decided if I did much more turning, I was not going to be able to get back to the cottage. So I retraced my steps and by the time I was back at the cottage it was 11:30. I decided there was no point trying to go to church now since it would pretty much be over by the time I got there. And I still wasn't sure how to get there properly! So I spent the day relaxing, reading my Bible, praying and listening to the Christian radio station which played Praise and Worship songs all day! It was awesome! I also made a list of some decisions I had to make and a list of things I needed to talk to God about, struggles, frustrations, anger, envy, negativity, etc. All the things I was despising in myself! I was so tired of being negative and jealous, etc and didn't like who I was. And unfortunately, you can't get away from yourself. But if I could have, I would have!
Anywho, I made my lists so that I felt I was being productive in my time away. I am a HUGE procrastinator! But I didn't want to keep pushing things aside just because I don't like facing what a pathetic person I am! And I didn't want to take advantage of my time away with God and just be lazy and selfish.
So Monday came, I got up and read most of the day. I was reading a book my counselor gave me back in the summer when I was seeing her. I had only read part of the book as I hadn't been struggling with that particular sin anymore. But once again, the struggles came, and so I decided to read the book and was very blessed by it! I wrote down things that popped out at me that I would like to remember. So it was a long process, but a very good one!
I tend to like to have the time to just sit and talk to God when I know I have time to really, fully give it all to Him. If I haven't slept well or have to work, I tend to kind of bury it inside myself until I have some time to just spend with God. When I'm at home, I notice I tend to find reasons to postpone 'having it out with God' or 'becoming real with God'. I don't mean it in a disrespectful sense, rather just opening up and letting it all go. I don't like to pretend that I'm all good with things when I'm not. I know I shouldn't get angry with God or have such a struggle trusting Him, but I do sometimes. And I don't like to pretend that those feelings don't exist. So I like to take the time to deal with all those thoughts and feelings while talking with God.
The came the time to pray and talk to God on a deeper level. I was not looking forward to it because I knew I would cry! And when I cry, I don't sleep. But this was the whole reason I needed to get away and spend time with God and so I did it. It was wonderful to be able to just open up about any and everything to Him and to be 'real' with Him! I was able to get everything out and go over everything I had written on my list and then some more that I remembered. It was so amazing and refreshing to be able to totally give all my thoughts and feelings to Him!
Each time I go through struggles, I grow so much closer to God! I LOVE that! But I hate going thru those tough times! They are not fun, but I just remind myself that I am learning so much and that in the end, when this particular time is over, I will be so thankful for all God had taught me!
At one point, I was crying, the heart wrenching sobs kind and there comes Squeakers. He jumps on my lap, tries to lick my tears and then as I proceed to push his face away, he sits there watching me while I continue to cry. Then he starts to whine. When I think about it now, it is quite comical. I'm sure we looked and sounded like quite the pair;o) That is one reason I wanted to get away. To be able to cry in peace, knowing that only God was going to hear me crying out to Him! In my place, as quiet as it is, I was afraid that if I really let myself cry like I needed, one of the others in the building were going to hear me and think I was hurt or something. So at the cottage I could just be me! What a blessing it was!
Some people had asked if I had a good time away. My response was, it was as good as could be expected. It was definitely a Spiritual blessing! But I didn't go in order to have fun. I had a mission to do and was able to complete it, with and only with, God's help!
Thankfully, I was able to have this amazing opportunity to use my aunt and uncle's cottage, no charge! That in itself was a blessing!
I was able to come home, tired, but refreshed, with a new, positive outlook on life again! One that has me walking even closer to God. And one where I have finally chosen to TRUST God in ALL areas of my life and not just certain ones. The ones I have held on to in the past are because I'm afraid he won't give me what I want. And I've allowed Satan to make me think that if I don't give it to God and trust Him with that particular matter, I still have control over it. Which is totally not true! But that is just how pathetic I am sometimes! Thankfully, I have a God who loves me no matter what! A God who died on the cross to save me from each one of my sins!
I continue to say to God that I trust Him! It's hard at times, but I figure it will get easier the more I say it. I have also figured I couldn't say it it I didn't feel it. But I realized, I just need to say it and believe it and God will do the rest. And the cool thing was, just this past week, I was reading this book and in it there was a part about a girl having trouble trusting God. An elderly lady told her, "Trusting God is a decision, not a feeling". I just thot how true that is! Another saying I read in another book was, "I trust God because of who He is! Not because of what He does or doesn't do". I need to adapt this last one to my life. It's not about me, rather about God. And that in itself, is reason enough to trust Him, just because of who He is!

This was my bedroom. Two single beds, pushed together to make a king size bed.
This was a deer just peacefully eating at the side of the road.
He just looked up for a minute when I pulled over to take his picture, then went back to eating.
A lovely fox, who I had to slow down for since he was crossing the street, and then continued on his way down the road.
The frozen lake
Ahhh, the beautiful rocks! This was near my parent's trailer. Whenever I go up North to the trailer, as soon as I see these kinds of rocks, I feel a deep peace, feeling like I'm home again=O)

The beautiful, clear sky and some water(not frozen).
I had a blessed, refreshing time away and a wonderful drive to Huntsville and home again.
If you've made it this far, good for you. It was a long post and I didn't plan to write quite so much, but once I start, I have a hard time stopping.
I am thankful for all God has done for me and TRUST Him that He knows what's best for me!
I am also so very thankful to have this Easter weekend off. It will be an emotional time of remembering God dying in order to save me from my sins! I definitely don't deserve His love, but I'm so thankful for it!